The ultimate manual for overcoming a breakup

Written by: Andrés Suro



Time to read 6 min

Going through a breakup is like taking a ride on an emotional rollercoaster, with each twist and turn revealing a different side of how we feel. In the beginning, it's a bit like being in a daze – almost like time has hit the pause button.


You might feel a bit numb, as if your heart is in a protective bubble, shielding you from the pain. This is when being kind to yourself is super important, like a guiding star that helps you through the tough moments.

Stages of Grief After a Breakup

As time goes on, our feelings start to shift, bringing us to the next stages:

  1. Denial, it's not about stubbornly refusing to accept what happened; it's more like a natural defense mechanism, giving us some time before we face the full reality of the situation. Think of denial as a temporary hideout, a breather before we gear up to deal with the tough stuff and move towards acceptance.
  2. As we go through the stages of grief after a breakup, anger shows up like a burst of fire – a way to let out all those bottled-up emotions. The key here is to let that anger out in a healthy way, using it as fuel for self-discovery and personal growth.
  3. Just like a storm that passes, anger eventually makes room for bargaining. This is when we might find ourselves trying to make deals with fate, seeking closure and understanding.
  4. But remember, bargaining is just a step on the path, leading us to acceptance where the wounds start to heal, and a new beginning begins to take shape.

How do you get over a breakup? Deal with a breakup the best way possible

Breaking up is tough – it's like if you were to sink into an abyss. In the beginning, it can feel like someone pulled the rug from under you. It's okay to feel lost and hurt. 

Think of it as a puzzle where you gradually find pieces to put yourself back together. And as you tackle the aftermath of a breakup, it's important to face your emotions head-on. Don't bottle them up – treat them like passing clouds. Let them drift by, and make room for the emotional sunshine to peek through. 

Coping Strategies for a Breakup

Dealing with a breakup is more than fixing a broken heart; it's about taking care of your emotional well-being. Give yourself the space to grieve, knowing it's okay to feel a mix of emotions. Instead of bottling them up, allow your feelings to flow, much like a river finding its way. When the pangs of heartache strike, reach out to a trusted friend – it's akin to applying a soothing balm to your soul. 

Share your thoughts and feelings, letting their support serve as a comforting reminder that you're not navigating this journey alone. If you encounter challenges in expressing or comprehending your emotions, I suggest reading this  article . It provides insights into the origins of these behaviors and offers guidance on how to address them.

What to do after a breakup?

First things first – give yourself a break. It's like pressing pause on a movie; you need a moment to gather your thoughts. One step at a time:

  1. Start by surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family. Think of them as your emotional cheerleaders, there to lift your spirits during this challenging chapter.
  2. Now, let's talk about self-care. It's not just a fancy term; it's like giving yourself a little dose of TLC. Take a breather, indulge in activities that bring you joy – it could be as simple as a cozy night in with your favorite movie or a stroll in the park. It's time to rediscover what makes you happy.

And hey, don't be too hard on yourself; it's like learning to ride a bike again. Embrace the process, and remember, healing is not a sprint; it's a marathon, and you're in the driver's seat.

couples fight

Bouncing Back and Embracing a Fresh Start

Recovering from a breakup is a journey of self-discovery and healing . Picture it as stepping into uncharted territory where a mix of emotions is part of the vibrant canvas of personal growth. Hare are some strategies for post-breakup healing:

  • Gentle Self-Compassion: Approach the healing process with kindness, treating yourself as you would do with a close friend facing a challenging time.
  • Embrace Emotions: Acknowledge and embrace the mix of emotions, seeing them as diverse colors on the canvas of personal growth.
  • Self-Care Rituals: Consider self-care as a personal spa day for your heart and soul, engaging in activities that bring joy and soothe your spirit.
  • Build a Support System: Enlist a squad of emotional cheerleaders – friends and family who stand by your side through thick and thin.
  • Reignite Passions: Use this time as an opportunity to rediscover old passions and explore new interests, planting seeds of positivity for personal growth.
  • Socialize Gradually: Reconnect with old friends and make new connections at your own pace, enjoying the slow dance of life.
  • Patience and Resilience: Recognize that recovering from a breakup is a journey, not a sprint. Each step towards self-discovery is a testament to your strength and resilience.
  • Rewrite Future Chapters: See this as a chance to create a unique story for your life, not about erasing the past but rewriting future chapters with newfound happiness.

Gentle self-compassion is key, extending a comforting hand to yourself, and allowing the healing process to unfold naturally.

How to heal from a breakup when you still love them?

What if you had to let go of a person you still love, for whatever reason. How can you recover from this? It's tough to navigate the emotional waters after a breakup, especially when you still hold love in your heart for your ex-partner.

It's okay to still care deeply for someone who was once a significant part of your life. Think of it as untangling a knot of emotions, taking one thread at a time. Reflect on what made the relationship special and the reasons it came to an end. It's like finding a balance between cherishing the good memories and accepting the need to move forward.

Saying goodbye unexpectedly is never easy, but consider these words as a gentle reminder:

“It's often believed that moving on requires shutting down emotions, almost becoming emotionally numb. However, moving on isn't about turning indifferent or stopping caring. It's more about resisting the urge to send desperate messages, refrain from seeking constant attention, and avoiding attempts to change how someone treats you. It's about releasing plans built on the hopeful idea that they might return someday. You can move forward from a relationship without suppressing your emotions. It's entirely possible to endure the pain while staying connected to the frequency of love, enabling you to let go gracefully. Remember, letting go doesn't mean ending love; it's a significant step towards prioritizing self-love and healing.”

What if I can't get over the breakup?

When facing the aftermath of a breakup, it's natural for emotions to run high, and this can extend to the realm of intimacy. If you find yourself struggling to move forward or experiencing challenges in your sexual well-being, seeking sexological guidance can be a valuable and supportive step. Think of it as embarking on a journey of sexual wellness, where understanding and addressing your needs are at the forefront.

As a sexologist, I can provide a safe and judgment-free space to explore the intricacies of your emotions and desires communicating. Picture it as having a compassionate ally, someone who understands the sensitivity of the topics at hand. We can offer guidance on rediscovering your own body, communication with future partners, and navigating the path to sexual healing. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength and self-care. It's like having a caring friend alongside you, helping you navigate the complexities of intimacy and emotional recovery after a breakup.

Moving Forward: Embracing the Journey After Heartbreak

Acceptance isn't the end of the road; it's an ongoing journey toward putting ourselves back together. It's about finding the strength to let go and embracing the idea of fresh starts. During these ups and downs, taking care of yourself is key. Rediscover who you are outside of the past relationship and be patient as you go through this personal journey. Remember, healing is different for everyone, so give yourself the time and space to navigate your unique path.

Don't forget, it's okay to take things slow. Just like learning a new dance, finding your rhythm may take time. Embrace the opportunity to create a narrative for your life that's uniquely yours. Remember, this is your story, and you have the power to make it a page-turner.

Andrés Suro

Author: Andrés Suro  (Sexual Coach at MYHIXEL)

Psychologist specialized in the social area and expert in sexology applied to education.